How to survive the first 3-months post-partum

Everyone always says that the first 3-months after you’ve had your baby are the hardest. I even knew someone who referred to this time period as the ‘100 days of darkness’. Everything is brand new at this point, especially if you’re a first time mom. You’ve just gone through 9 months of body, mind and emotional transformation all culminating into what you think is the main event – labor, obviously. Everyone’s labor story is different – some more traumatic than others – but all labor is exciting, scary, and exhausting. Then it’s over and all of a sudden you’re holding your baby in your arms with your mind reeling as you try to comprehend how this little human came out of you - and that’s when you realize - your main event is just beginning! I remember the first two nights in the hospital after my son was born were the most magical. It was during the height of the Covid pandemic so the only person who could be in the room with me was my husband. Although I yearned for my mom to be there, there was something so intimate about sharing the experience of welcoming our first born with just my husband. That first night, as we both began coming to terms with the shock and amazement of having a baby, our little one slept by my side in his bassinet so peacefully. My husband and I anxiously sat up to watch him every time he made a tiny baby ‘coo’. I remember us feeling like we were blessed with the most peaceful baby in the world. I mean, what baby sleeps that peacefully his first night? Apparently a lot of them! It’s not until the second night that you’re faced with the reality of having a newborn.

For those of you who are new moms, you’ll likely vividly remember how different the second night is to the first. I remember the nurses telling us not to get too used to our babies temperament the first night because our little one hasn’t yet discovered that he’s out of the comfort of my womb and into a completely foreign environment. He was also just as exhausted as I was from the whole ordeal and, just like me, was hoping to sleep it off on the first night. The second night is when his hunger really kicked in and he all of a sudden realized that his home looked much different than it did before. That second night in the hospital, all three of us got little to no sleep as my husband and I alternated soothing our baby throughh 2 hour shifts the whole night. At one point, it was 2am and I was feeding our babe while watching a movie on my phone in order to not fall asleep and I thought to myself “What if I’m not cut out for this?”. But soon all three of us had made it to the morning and I felt a huge sense of accomplishment knowing that the uncertainty had passed and I was able to feed, soothe and take care of my baby through the night.

From pregnancy to giving birth, our hormones are doing a constant number on us. In my experience, the post-labour hormones mixed with the consistent lack of sleep were the hardest to deal with. I remember referring to the first week after bringing our baby home as ‘blissful exhaustion’. My husband and I were exhausted but we were also so incredibly in love with the little human that was now a part of our family. After that first week, I started to feel dips of lows that would come and go throughout the day. I found myself tearing up at not being able to put my shoes on because my feet were still so swollen. The blissful part of the equation was still there but the exhaustion was starting to really set in. Thankfully, my husband took the first three weeks off of and we were able to tag team during the day with the baby. In the evenings we had a lot of help as we were staying with my parents for the first month. It wasn’t until around the 6-8 week mark after we had moved back home that I really started to feel new levels of post-partum blues. I loved being able to hang with my baby on my own but I also couldn’t remember what life was like on a full night of sleep. This was the stage where I also began to panic over whether I was doing things right. Was I too relaxed of a mom? Was I too anxious? Could I my baby sense when I was sad? Is that going to make him sad? I was googling things almost every minute of the day to make sure I was doing things correctly. My saving grace in this time was venting to my mom, sisters and new mom friends. Late at night during the midnight and 3am feeds, I found myself finding a lot of comfort in new mom blogs referencing the first three months and the ups and downs that they felt. This made me judge my own emotions less and just appreciate that the journey was meant to have highs and lows.

For me the first 100 days weren’t filled with darkness but instead blissful exhaustion mixed with a lot of other emotions and a sense of slowly coming to terms with the fact that I was now a mother. A good friend put it into perspective when she said she struggled with her sense of identity during those first few months – something that I’ve realized many women struggle with. All of a sudden you have the responsibility to take care of another life, shaping the values and guiding them through life – all while you’re still trying to figure it out. This is completely normal. You don’t have to have it all figured out before becoming a mom. In fact, your baby has just joined you in the ride so you can figure it out together. Respect your emotions because you’ve just been through a crazy journey and now you have the cutest sidekick in the world joining you for the rest of this amazing adventure.