How to stay calm during pregnancy
Pregnancy is a beautiful transformation of your body and mind. But it’s also scary and exhausting. IIt’s so important to talk about both sides of it. There are days that you feel like a goddess of a woman who’s bringing life into the world. You’ll have days where you feel so cute in your maternity clothes, showing off your bump and having people celebrate you. You’ll also have days where you feel exhausted, emotional and annoyed at everyone. It’s okay to admit you’re having one of those days. You’re creating a human being. Think about how huge and amazing that is. You’re allowed to have days where you don’t feel as strong as you did the day before and where you just want to watch a good romantic comedy, eat all the junk food and demand a back massage. It’s normal -and here's a little secret - this pattern continues into the early days of motherhood!
By the end of my pregnancy, I had gone through all the moods under the sun. For the first 4 months I was still keeping up with my outdoor runs and fitting into my pre-pregnancy clothes. The only symptoms I had were a wave of fatigue and nausea that hit me now and again (I got lucky and didn’t have extreme cases of morning sickness). The next three months (Months 5-8) I started to feel even better. The winter hit in Toronto so I stopped running outside out of fear of falling on ice and instead switched to prenatal strength workouts by Jennifer Ryans Fitness. As my belly grew bigger, my body felt stronger. Then week 37 hit. All of a sudden I just had no desire to do anything. I think it was a mixture of wrapping up work before mat leave and finally allowing my body to completely relax but all I wanted to do was stay in bed all day. The next two weeks contained a mixture of days in bed mixed with moments of high energy where I wanted to get as organized as I could before the baby arrived (aka nesting). I even managed to file my taxes and almost finish our wedding album which is long overdue. My workouts slowed down to 2-3 times a week and I focused instead on walking to get my cardio in. I also started to get Braxton Hicks contractions (false labour contractions) which continued for 2 weeks before my labor actually started. The few weeks leading up to labor were filled with ups and downs for me.. Being pregnant in the pandemic stirred heightened anxiety for me especially as we inched closer to our due date. I was so focused on ensuring that our little developing bean was safe and protected from all the craziness that was happening with the pandemic. An important lesson I learnt in this phase was the value of disconnecting. Prior to being pregnant, I would have taken it on myself to read every article about the pandemic to understand how we’re progressing. However, towards the end of my pregnancy, disconnecting from all the anxiety-inducing news was really helpful as it allowed me to just focus on my own peace of mind so that I could be more present for myself, my partner and my baby. These ups and downs through pregnancy are so normal. My biggest takeaway from this phase was forgiving myself on the days that I wasn’t feeling energized and excited and just allowing myself to do what I needed to do in that moment to feel better. Even though every pregnancy is different, it’s so nice to get advice or hear experiences from people who’ve gone through it before you. As a friend said to me, “we are all just winging it so why not tap into other people’s experiences to see if there are some gems that could work for you.” And if those gems aren’t your cup of tea, in one ear out the other!
At 40 weeks and 5 days our baby boy finally arrived into the world. The contractions started the day before with dull lower back pain and continued throughout the day. By the evening, I started using a contraction timer app to monitor how far apart they were as my husband and I began getting things ready in case we had to head to the hospital. By 10pm that night, we were on our way to the hospital with my contractions still feeling bearable but now coming consistently every 5 minutes. After a few checks, the doctors released us saying that although we were in labour (3cm dilated) it would still be at least 12 hours before the baby came so we might as well go home and get some rest. So off we went back home and tried to get some rest. That night the contractions started coming much more intensely and I began doing my breathing and visualization exercises to push through each one. If you are pregnant and thinking about how to manage your mindset through labour - I would highly recommend reading The Calm Birth Method by Suzie Ashworth. In her book, Suzie teaches you how to breathe through contractions through deep breath and visualization techniques that really helped me especially when my contractions became increasingly more intense. Suzie’s visualization techniques got me through each one in a way where I was able to stay calm knowing that each contraction was bringing me one step closer to meeting my baby boy.
It’s been 12 days since our boy was born and the range of emotions and feelings I’ve had through the process is unparalleled to anything I’ve experienced in my life. After his birth, my husband and I spent two days in the hospital as I recovered and we got to know the newest addition to our family. Those two days were unbelievably special. We were both in a state of shock with the idea that this little being had come out of me and that he was ours. The first night any sound he made we were both up staring at him to make sure he was okay. Since then, each day has been a learning experience and a test to our patience and mindset. Through breastfeeding, diaper changes and sleepless nights, there are moments where you’re blissfully exhausted and moments where you don’t know how you went from a young, fun couple to partially awake zombies with the responsibility of keeping a human being alive. In those moments, there are two thoughts that calm me:
Motherhood is a journey of learning. No mom feels like they’re winning every single day. Taking it day by day and being kind to myself in the process allowed me to let go of any pressures I put on myself of being the perfect mom.
I’m still me. It’s amazing how one minute it was just my husband and I and the next minute we’re parents running on fumes and adrenaline, disconnected from an resemblance of what life used to look like. At some point in between I felt like I was losing a connection to the person I was prior to having the baby. When this feeling came on strong, I decided to take moments out to just do something that made me feel like myself - for example - a long walk with the baby, watching a movie with him in the evening, reaching out to a friend, writing, etc. Doing small things that made me feel connected to the person I was before the baby was crucial to helping me feel connected to myself.
All in all, just know there’s no perfect way of doing things during pregnancy or as a mother. Listen to your body and give yourself time to process each changing moment. It’s surreal and unpredictable but it’s also amazing and incredibly rewarding. It’s never perfect 100% of the time but each day you’ll get a little better at it.