The mindset trick that will transform your maternity leave
The first three months after having a baby are often touted as the most challenging. It's a period of profound adjustment for you, your partner (or your support system), and your newborn. You're recovering from childbirth, both of you are transitioning into parenthood, and your baby is acclimating to life outside the comfort of your womb. Sleep is scarce and overwhelming emotions are in abundance.
I used to believe that getting through those initial three months meant conquering the most demanding part of parenthood. I thought that everything afterward would be a whirlwind of cuteness and endless cuddles. While there's undoubtedly an abundance of adorable moments and heartwarming snuggles, the post-partum phase also brings a multitude of emotions.
It Takes a Village
As I delved into maternity leave, I came to understand the saying, "It takes a village to raise a child." It's not because parents are incapable of managing alone; it's because having a support system of friends, family, coworkers, or anyone willing to lend an ear or hold your baby while you have a quick shower can make the journey immensely easier.
I had misconceptions that I was going to conquer every stage of maternity leave like a boss and just feel amazing through it. The reality was I had moments of pure joy and moments of uncertainty and exhaustion which made me feel extremely guilty. It took me about six months to grasp one of life's profound truths - nothing, even the most beautiful things in life, are not absolute. I decided to go easy on myself, embrace the moments with my baby, and show kindness to myself in the tough moments.
This prompted me to compile a list of things to help all of us stay grounded and connected during maternity leave.
Stay Connected: Call Your Friends and Family
It's easy to become absorbed in your baby's world during the day. Newborns are fascinating, and managing their needs, like nap schedules and diaper changes, can consume your time. Days can be filled with fun, but they can also be quite lonely. Spending hours with your thoughts can make you wonder if you've even had time to brush your teeth in the morning. Human brains thrive on communication and the comfort of relationships. It's essential to connect with people to feel settled. Whether you make a list of friends you want to catch up with or simply set a time each day to call a friend, make the effort. It will lift your spirits and infuse your baby with positive energy.
Be Kind to Yourself: Momming Is Tough
Being a mom is no walk in the park, whether you're a first-time mom or welcoming your second, third, fourth, or fifth child. It's incredibly rewarding but also incredibly challenging. Don't be too hard on yourself if you don't always live up to the ideal image of "the perfect mom." Spoiler alert: there's no such thing as a perfect parent because there's no such thing as a perfect human. I once forgot my baby's pacifiers on a trip to the pediatrician where he was about to get an early vaccine. Panic set in, as his pacifier was his solace when upset. However, my maternal instinct kicked in, and I quickly prepared a bottle of formula to soothe him just as he received the vaccine. The result? A happy baby as if nothing had gone wrong. The lesson here is that if you provide your child with love and do your best, you are never failing them. There's always another way to accomplish something if the first attempt doesn't work.
Effective Communication: Share Your Needs
In the first few months after having our baby, I insisted on handling the night shift on my own, believing I could be a supermom. I envisioned caring for my baby all night, waking up early in the morning, looking immaculate, and having the energy to be an incredible presence in our house. Reality didn't quite align with that vision. Four months in, I had a major meltdown, feeling overwhelmed and resentful. I had never communicated what I actually needed to my partner. When I finally did, we became a team, and everything fell into place. My determination to do it all and my reluctance to admit I needed help had prevented us from becoming a strong parenting duo.
In essence, the transformation you undergo as a mom while welcoming your new baby into your home is a mix of love, cuddles, curiosity, loneliness, exhaustion, fear, and guilt. Motherhood is an extraordinary and ongoing learning process. It's perfect and challenging, tearful and blissful. You can be the mom who does it all and the mom who seeks help when needed. Give yourself the space to be both