Turn your self-talk into self-empowerment
Let’s talk self-talk. It’s the most important thing that determines how our day will go yet it’s the one thing we tend to do with the least awareness. Why is that?
Focus flows.
If you were to look at your day from the minute you woke up to the minute you crawled into bed and everything in between, where are you putting your focus? Is it on how you’re feeling and the way you’re speaking to yourself continuously throughout the day or instead, is it on the things that are happening around you and to you that day? For most of us, it’s the latter. We may wake up with the full intention to align with our inner selves and maintain a positive mindset. But as soon as things start happening to us throughout the day;
— Your boss books a meeting with you at 9am that you’re not ready for
— You spill coffee on your favorite top
— You feel sluggish throughout your workout
— You lost your temper or let yourself get annoyed at a partner, friend or family member
— You spent way too much time scrolling instagram…again
Our focus flows to these external events as opposed to the alignment we have with ourselves. It’s like that age-old saying…
“Where your focus goes, your energy flows.”
Suddenly, these external events have taken over the control we initially had of ourselves. For example, you may have woken up feeling fantastic, motivated and confident. But after spilling coffee and scrambling through your meeting, you feel discouraged, down on yourself and just not in the mood to do anything. So you turn to Instagram for a little boost but instead of giving you the pick-me-up you were looking for, it makes you feel even more unproductive and drained. The positive self-talk you had this morning, now seems like a distant memory as you force yourself through the rest of your day, come home and sprawl out on the couch hoping tomorrow is better. Sound familiar? I know I’ve had those days!
In case you’ve found yourself falling into this trap, I thought I’d share the coaching technique that I do on myself to bring me back to a state of presence and calm in these moments.
Pause all thoughts. When we’re having crazy, not-so-great days, we tend to push the repeat button on our negative thoughts. Negative thoughts can be an addiction so the minute we entertain the first one, the rest are waiting anxiously to be let in. This can be an even bigger trap when we’re having crazy days because we’re not giving ourselves time to stop and breathe. The most important thing to do when you’re having one of these days is to pause all thoughts. Just take a minute to breathe. If you’re in the office, maybe that means taking a walk by yourself so you can actually clear your mind.
Place a mirror to your thoughts. Once you’ve had a second to breathe and pause your thoughts, you can now gain clarity by placing a mirror to your thoughts so you can look at each one individually. How are you actually feeling? What thoughts are being repeated in your mind that could lead you to this feeling? Look at each thought individually and write them down. Don’t filter or judge them!
Thought-mapping. Here comes the fun part. Map each thought to a reason. For example if you wrote down, “I feel like my boss doesn’t like me” write down the reason you feel that way. So you may write something like “He/She never seems to like my work”. Next to this reason, right down the reason you feel this way. So you may write “I feel this way because he/she is always critical of my work.”. Next to this reason, write down the reason you feel this way. The idea is to keep going like this until you’ve gotten down to the root of the problem. It may look something like this:
I feel like my boss doesn’t like me → I feel this way because he never likes my work → I feel this way because he is always criticizing my work → I feel this way because he uses a negative tone of voice when he speaks to me → I feel this way because it’s a tone of voice that doesn’t make me feel good -> I feel this way because I prefer to be spoken to in an empowering way → I feel this way because I don’t feel secure in the work I’m doing → I feel this way because I know I can do better → I feel this way because I’m not putting in 100% at work → I feel this way because I’m tired → I feel this way because I don’t take time out for myself.
Do you see how with this thought mapping we’ve gone from the original thought “I feel like my boss doesn’t like me” to the actual root of the problem “I don’t take time out for myself”? Not taking time out for oneself can lead to feeling drained and thus not having the energy to give certain things your full focus. The reason thought-mapping is able to bring you back to the present is by moving your mind away from the external factors you can’t control and towards the internal factors you CAN control.
When I take a moment to do this throughout my day, I always feel more centered and more in control of the day. By getting into the habit of doing this, the goal is for you to feel like you’re in control of your day and thus your life. Most importantly, it will help you navigate the deep internal pain points that are at the root of a lot of your stress. It’s time to free yourself of the burdens holding you down so you can be exactly who you truly want to be.