Do you have a hard time enjoying the good moments?
Where does the concept of ‘knock on wood’ come from? Have you ever celebrated an achievement with a friend or family member only to find yourself knocking on wood to ensure you don’t jinx it? In some cultures, the concept of the evil eye is very much present and is founded on the belief that if you share something positive and personal, some people may have an ‘evil eye’ towards you ultimately bringing you down. We feel fearful about celebrating something great about our personal lives in the event that it’s too good to be true. Where does this dichotomy of bliss and fear stem from?
I think it stems from a deeply-rooted feeling of self-doubt that comes to the surface when something good happens to us. It’s that voice that tells us, “it’s too good to be true” or “you’re not good enough”. When we listen to this voice, we open the gates to fear allowing it to seep in and engulf us. I can’t remember the number of times that I posted a picture on social media that was a personal celebration of a milestone in my life. I’d then spend the next day wondering if I should have posted it and soon I’d be giving money to charity to balance the effects of any evil eye coming my way. When you think about it, it sounds kind of crazy right? As if we can’t allow ourselves to truly believe that we deserved the goodness that happened to us.
Life is full of contrasts that we as human beings try to balance as we grow. Bliss and fear, love and hate, confidence and insecurity — when the pendulum swings one way there is always the fear that it’s going to swing back the other way at any moment. So how do we allow ourselves to just be in the moment and let go of any fear that this joy might be taken away from us?
1. Stop trying to control the situation: The real problem is rooted in the fact that moments after we feel pure joy — our conscious mind kicks in and we try to start controlling the situation. We do this by asking ourselves what would happen if we lost it? Or telling ourselves we don’t actually deserve it. Through this process, we begin to lose that feeling of pure joy and all of a sudden we’re in our logical brains again. There will always be time to get logical after you’ve allowed yourself to embrace the joy. In these moments of pure joy, just let yourself feel all your feelings. You’ll be surprised to notice how many more joyful moments come up for you when you do this.
2. Believe that it’s meant for you. If something great has happened to you, what makes you think that it’s up to you to decide whether it’s for you or not? It’s clearly for you if it’s happened to you. But often, myself included, we question whether we deserve the great moment we’re enjoying. This not only brings up feelings of self-doubt but it also secures the pendulum back towards fear. If something great has happened to you, it’s partly because you worked for it on some level. So why fear that it’s not meant for you? I’m not saying you should get a big ego about it — of course not— no one likes a show off. But you can still believe that you deserved it.
3. You’re only jinxing it if you believe you are. Think about the feeling you have before you knock on wood and the feeling you have after. For those of us who think the wood has a magic power in that moment, knocking on wood can actually make you feel better. Why is that? It’s because in that moment we are giving the wood the power to undo the jinx that we think is coming for us. It’s like giving a kid a stick and telling them it’s a magic wand. Once that kid believes the wand is magic, they truly believe their invincible. Similarly, once we believe that someone has the power to jinx is, we give into that power and develop tools to ‘reverse the jinx’ — like knocking on wood. You are what you believe.
Imagine if any time you got a promotion, celebrated a milestone in life or just simply had a really positive thought — you fully embraced it. The way you would have when you were a kid and something great happened to you. Remember how invincible you felt in those moments? The next time something good happens to you — let it be and enjoy it. There’s always time to get logical about it later.